The decade I divorced

I’ve seen the latest posts of lists of what’s happened over the last decade and enjoyed pondering what my own would be. The last decade, it is cliched to say, has been a rollercoaster. A slow, ten-year long rollercoaster that has had twists and turns at the times I’ve least expected. So jumping on the bandwagon, in a nutshell I have…

…got married, bought and sold a flat, changed job, career and city, met a new partner, had a baby, and written a book!

If you’d told the soon-to-be married me of 2009 that in ten years time I would be happily divorced, I would in the words of Pink ‘stand up and punch them out, ’cause they’re all wrong’. Of course my life wouldn’t be anything other than happily ever after. I was on track for marriage, babies and the cosy life in suburbia I had always wanted.

But here I am, ten years on. Divorced. Bringing up a baby in London, as yet unmarried – although divorce hasn’t put me off. It’s been quite the decade. I used to tell myself when living in the confusion of separation that in two years it will be different – if life was like a movie it would all be different by the end. And it was. It is different, not remotely like but brilliantly unlike I expected.

So if you’re there now – it will be different. In one, two, five or ten years time life won’t look the same. If feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world with your relationship breaking apart, it won’t always be like this, whatever it might feel like now. There’s hope. Maybe it won’t be fulfilled in a New Year’s Resolution or by the end of January, but hang in there, hope is coming.

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3 thoughts on “The decade I divorced

  1. Hi Ruth – Please don’t say “hang in there”. I must have had that said to me 100 times (not over a relationship difficulty) and I have yet to unravel exactly what it means and it has become a platitude. But I do always love your posts and your honesty.
    (Did you still want the copy of the magazine that has reviewed your book? FB message me if you would)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear the phrase didn’t help you. For me it means to just persevere through the hard time (hence the hanging on!) as something will change eventually and life takes on new direction. There is a sort of ‘process’ to separation and divorce which suggests it will change and evolve. I have used the phrase in the context of relationship breakdown though and I imagine with illness or a loved one’s death this could be a very different experience and ‘hanging in there’ wouldn’t be helpful as there isn’t an end resolution.
      Thank you for your encouragement, and the memory jog, I’ll drop you a line!

      Like

  2. I did find a scriptural “hang in there” though – “be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous and be strong”(1 Cor 16 v 13) That became a bit more helpful!! x

    Liked by 1 person

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